Problem-Solving Solutions

Many of us know the basics of problem-solving: define the problem, brainstorm possible solutions, choose and implement a solution, evaluate the outcome, start over as needed. But despite knowing these steps, we can still find ourselves implementing a poor solution, avoiding a problem and not seeking solutions, and struggling with problems that don't have solutions.

I learned a problem-solving framework at a positive psychology conference I attended recently. It doesn't solve your problem, but it identifies the type of situation you're dealing with so that you can address it effectively by either problem-solving or letting go.

Here it is:

	In your control	Not in your control
Take action	Taking charge	Struggling
Don’t take action	Giving up	Letting go

a) Taking charge: Once you figure out that your problem belongs in this quadrant, this is the best kind of situation. You realize that you can take action, and so you do. For example, if you're unhappy at work, you either address your needs with your boss or look for a new job. If you're frustrated because you never have time to exercise or see friends, you stop and identify what's getting in the way, and look for ways to reorganize your time.

b) Giving up: When you're in this quadrant, you have some degree of control over your problem but you don't realize it, and so you feel helpless and resigned. For example, say you've been unhappy with certain elements of your romantic relationship for years, but don't bring it up with your partner because you feel like it's too late. Or that you've steadily gained weight over the course of a few years and are unhappy with your appearance, but conclude that it's your destiny to be overweight and that there's nothing you can do about it.

c) Struggling: Not having control is frustrating and anxiety-provoking, and we often respond to these emotions by trying to control the uncontrollable. For example, say your dog is dying and rather than accepting the facts, you repeatedly gouge your savings for expensive treatments that prolong his life by days. We're particularly prone to fruitless struggle when we try to control other people: for example, say you've rented a cottage for a week's vacation with your extended family, and you--and only you--believe it's important for everyone to eat three meals per day together; you spend a good part of your week cooking, assigning and organizing meal duty, and struggling to get your reluctant parents, kids, and siblings to the table for breakfast, lunch, and dinner--at the expense of your own enjoyment of the vacation.

d) Letting go: In this quadrant, you realize that there's little you can do about your problem, and you use that knowledge to let go and accept the situation as it is. Letting go can be as minor as finally accepting your freckles and putting away the foundation you carefully applied every morning for ten years, or as major as realizing that your baby doesn't know or care about your carefully-designed birth plan, and is probably going to arrive in his or her own way and on his or her own time.

I just learned this problem-solving framework, but I suspect that the more we can address problems by taking charge or letting go, the happier we'll be. Taking charge allows us to feel competent and act effectively; letting go can create a sense of relief; and knowing which quadrant we're in prevents us from attributing weight gain to destiny, sticking with a miserable job, trying to control childbirth, and hiding our pretty freckles.

Therapy Gold

Some clients come to psychotherapy because they are entirely non-functional and need help establishing the basics--routine eating and sleeping, and a reasonable degree of physical comfort, financial stability, and social support. Other psychotherapy clients are already highly functional and fairly content, but want help tweaking their life to achieve better relationships, a more meaningful career, or less stress.

Which type of client is more rewarding to work with? Is it better to slightly improve the already-good quality of life of high-functioning clients or to work with low-functioning clients who improve more slowly but whose progress, even if minimal, constitutes a huge improvement in quality of life?

I've always been partial to the idea of tweaking--of helping high-functioning clients meet their potential and achieve their stretch goals. But last week I had a therapy gold (term I made up in my post about friendship versus therapy) moment that changed my thinking somewhat:

I had a session with an extremely depressed client with a serious chronic medical condition. He was going through a flare-up in his condition and I expected him to report that his mood had plummeted correspondingly; however, when I asked him about mood, he replied that it was stable, good even. He reported that he had been using some of the strategies we had discussed in therapy and then said (and this is the therapy gold part), "I have more control over my situation than I thought I did."

After he left, I practically jumped up and clicked my heels! My singular therapy goal with this client been to improve his mood by instilling a modicum of hope and personal control; the serious joy I experienced at seeing this happen diminished my conviction that working with high-functioning clients is more rewarding.

NB: My cup of therapy joy ran over when, before the client left, I assigned him the What Went Well exercise.

What Went Well

Researchers in positive psychology study well-being, positive emotion, and quality of life. Investigating happy and unhappy people, they found that one thing that can make us unhappy is spending a lot of time thinking about what's going wrong in our lives, and very little time thinking about what's going right. Analyzing negative events is adaptive because we learn from our mistakes and avoid repeating them, but an exclusive focus on problems isn't helpful and can lead to rumination and depression.

What should we do instead? Positive psychology researchers have developed short exercises sometimes referred to as "positive activity interventions;" one exercise that's been consistently demonstrated to improve mood involves learning to notice when things go well, and to think about and savour the experience. Here's what to do:

1. Before you go to sleep each night, write down three things that went well that day.
2. Don't just think about them, but actually write them down; that way you'll have a physical record.
3. The events can be important (e.g., "I got a raise at work"), but don't have to be (e.g., "The bus pulled up just as I arrived at the bus stop this morning").
4. For each item, answer the question, “Why did this happen?”  For example, if you got a raise, you might write “I worked hard this year and my boss noticed." If you were perfectly on time for the bus, you might write "I checked the schedule and made sure to leave the house on time."

Research has demonstrated that people who stick with this exercise feel happier and less depressed after six months. I believe in positive psychology, so decided to try it for one month. It worked! I noticed that:

• I remembered and reflected upon positive experiences that I wouldn't otherwise have remembered or counted as positive, e.g., I re-potted my plant, I made a good dinner, I received the book I ordered online, I was invited to a dinner party.
• I started doing positive things on purpose so that I could put them on my list, e.g., going to the gym even if I didn't feel like it, taking care of an irritating but important errand, calling my mom to say hi, picking up a treat for dessert.
• I started noticing positive things in real time, including lots of things that I wouldn't have noticed before or wouldn't have counted as positive, e.g., I got a seat on the metro during rush hour, I was able to switch the date on my plane ticket without paying a penalty, there was no line at the drugstore when I went to pick up my prescription.
• I didn't always have an answer for "Why did this happen?" (e.g, why did I get a seat on the metro during rush hour?), but when I did (e.g., I was invited to a dinner party because my friends like my company, or I was able to change my plane ticket without paying the fee because I was patient and assertive with the customer service agent), it felt good. 

This exercise gave me a boost of positive emotion every night before I went to sleep. If you try it, let me know how it goes!

The Pursuit of Happiness

Psychologists and therapists have traditionally focused on alleviating misery–-making anxious people less anxious, angry people less angry, and psychotic people less psychotic–-and assumed that happiness was a byproduct. Researchers in a relatively new subfield of psychology believe that reducing suffering is not enough and that increasing happiness should be a separate and equally important objective.

Positive psychology is the study of positive emotion and human strengths, with the goal of identifying and building strengths, nurturing talent, and improving quality of life in relatively untroubled people. Positive psychology researchers study the traits and habits of happy people and, based on their findings, design interventions to increase happiness.

So what makes us happy?

·     Strong interpersonal relationships make us happy. The people in the highest percentiles of happiness are extremely social, have rich and meaningful friendships, are in a romantic relationship, and don’t spend a lot of time alone.

·     Knowing and using our personal strengths makes us happy. Positive psychology therapy clients complete questionnaires that identify their strengths and are assigned to, for example, use their key strengths in new ways three times per week. If your two greatest strengths are patience and teaching, things like helping your niece learn to read and showing your dad how to use HTML increase happiness. Likewise, couples in therapy with a positive psychologist are assigned to go on a “strengths date,” i.e., a date during which both partners get to use their strengths.

·     Meaning (using your strengths in the service of a greater good or to belong to a larger community) and engagement (the ability to get lost in what you’re doing, whether it’s stock trading, parenting, or making music) make us happy. Pleasure (the experience of positive emotion), on the other hand, is less relevant to happiness. 

The implications of positive psychology findings are considerable. People seeking happiness through pleasure can consider pursuing engagement and meaning instead. The known relationship between happiness and outcomes like better health and longer life can have a significant positive impact on larger systems such as health care and the economy. Finally, positive psychology is an exciting and validating option for future mental health professionals (ahem) who are less interested in severe mental illness and very interested in helping well people improve their quality of life.